I just don't know what to say...

Hi to you all.

Thank you once again for coming here to read my blog and listen to my incessant and nonsensical ramblings. I have to record my thoughts somewhere:

So I've been home for just over 48 hours. I've just spent 12 of those 48 hours at work. I can't believe all of the different types of carnage that I've had to respond to today. My mind is all over the place trying to pull all of the helter-skelter thoughts in my head back in to some order. Gah.

The best bit is that I get to go back and do it all again tomorrow morning at 9am. At which point some very angry guests are coming in to continue the tyrade I've just had to listen to for the past 2 hours.
There's also various other things I need to do to catch up over the week. Dearie me!

It's wonderful that I can walk in to work and see the people I work with and pick up where we left off 2 weeks ago - they are a fantastic bunch of people. I really looked forward to hearing all that I'd missed and getting stuck back in to the middle of things. I also got a free ice cream!

How do you measure happiness? That is my major question. Is happiness total escape - like I had in Wk2 of Keswick? Is happiness when you are totally fulfilled, kept busy and investing in the lives of young people (with eternal consequences)? Is happiness the smooth running of an office and therefore a holiday park under your control, working with really great people? Is happiness finding there is a guy who likes you, who you have lots in common with, who you can talk to and be real with?

Is happiness when you find out that this same guy - who is not a Christian - is now going around with someone else, therefore saving you the problem of explaining it could never work? Is happiness when you spend time with a friend that you haven't seen for months, as if you'd never been apart? Is happiness solving problems or preventing them? Is happiness when 2 friends get together...finally?

There are 2 sides to every story; when your friends getting together reminds you that that is one less single man is the world. When you realise that escape cannot go on forever and you come back down to Earth with a crash. When you see distant friends and realise that while you'll always have that golden past, your futures are going in totally different directions. When you realise that however much you love your job, you just don't get paid enough for all the cr*p that heads your way.

What is happiness? What is love? What is joy? I just don't know what to say!

Well that was quite a lot of heavy philosophy, but its what was on my heart. Some current events, some old history. Right now, I'm torn between wanting my job to continue and wanting to do lots of other things with my free time. I think I'd be happy with either, but I wish I knew. I wish I knew so much more than what I do. I wish I knew so much more about the world and the people around me.

Right I'm shattered and I need to save the world again tomorrow, so I'll bid you all goodnight and I do solemnly swear that I will blog about Keswick when I'm not in quite such a morbid tone of mind.
By the way: happy August! Enjoy the last of the Brish sunshine!