The Man in the Mirror

Hello little ones!

Its been a while, I know, but its just been one of those months where lots has happened but nothing really remarkable has come out of it all. This lack of remarkable activity has enabled me to do a little bit of introspection though, which is good once in a while. Hence, the title of this post: taken from the song of the same name which I've just recently re-discovered.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror: I'm asking him to change his ways.

No message could be any clearer; if you want to make the world a better place...

Take a look at yourself and make the change.

The message is clear, change begins with us: ourselves. We can neither change the world, our country or ourselves unless we start with ourselves! We can't expect other people to sort our lives out for us and we cannot make our happiness dependant on other people. Certainly I would be a lot poorer if it weren't for my friends and the joy they bring to my life - not to mention their wisdom and understanding. What I mean is, they can't physically change my mindset for me, I have to do that myself. 

Some good advice I have received and taken note of;

1. If you aren't content with being single, you won't be content in a relationship.
2. Recognise the Power of Now.
3. Cast all your burdens upon the Lord & trust again in the power of His love.

What am I trying to say? This is partially a follow-up to my previous blog and partially a moving on. Its me doing a very good job of pulling myself in two opposite directions; of being stuck in a rut, of harbouring anger & confusion, of not being able to escape my own mind, of having my happy places invaded by negativity.
Bottom line No1: I want him back. Bottom line No2: I'm afraid that isn't possible. Therefore Bottom line No3: I'm stuck & torn.

The worst part of the whole situation - of the last 4 months - is that there is no escape. Day in, day out; we work together & day in, day out; he ignores, blanks, avoids & destroys me. Every single part of me screams "Why? What did I ever do to you?". Now believe me, I'm really trying to make the change - as the song says - but I can't. Not until I know what went wrong between us.

That is my reality. Still, aside from that sad fact of my life, I am trying to get on with everything else in a normal fashion. I go to work; pretend I'm not exhausted from sleepless nights, permanent tension & emotional uncertainty. I try to plan ahead because I know I've go to keep moving on; I want something to look forward to, but I know its going to be blighted. I understand that all of this, for however long it takes, will be worked out for some good in my life. I know I'm not equipt to comprehend the bigger picture of this life & that it has never been promised that our lives would be trouble free. I look forward to the day when all things are renewed to perfection. Nevertheless until that glorious day, here we are.

"He's not worth it". Very good advice from a dear friend after hearing again and again from me about my thoughts, doubts & questions. Part of me agrees with this, because anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a pushover. The other part of me: the part that let him in, that held him dear, that connected with him as he read me like a book, that wanted the best of everything for him, that felt comfortable, safe, accepted & happy in his presense, wonders if we might be able to have that again. Ever more so, it fears what will happen if it can't.

Ironically, he used to say I was his mirror; that I showed him the person he wanted to be. That just occured to me as ironic as I looked again at the title of this blog. Because we are only human: we know we shouldn't rely on others for our own sense of self-worth, our self-esteem and yet we do. When I take a look at the man in the mirror these days I don't like the person I see and, believe me, the person I see there has seen better days too. The person I see there was never one to go with the flow or do something because someone else did it or approved of it. She never let anything come between her and her happiness. She was in control of the decisions affecting her life and she made them - after some deliberation - for her own benefit. She wasn't driven by fear or unhappiness. She was happy with her lot in life, not because she was earning a great deal or held a position of prestige, but because she had found a place to do her working life, a place where she felt she belonged.
He was the completion of that happiness. Not least because he understood the nature & odd patterns of her working life. He came, made her happy and then went again, leaving her broken.
She often wonders if it would've been better if they didn't work in the same place... On the one hand, they would never have met. On the other, none of this would be happening - work would've continued to be her happy place.

The soundtrack to her life at the moment is sad songs. Songs have always had special meanings to her and she has always associated them with different people & memories. Here's the playlist of her life from the last few months:
When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars, Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars, Let Her Go - Passenger, Try - Pink, Just Give Me A Reason - Pink, Black Heart - Stooshe, Breathing - Jason Derulo, Because You Live - Jesse McCartney, The Rose - Westlife, Count On Me - Bruno Mars & I See The Light - Disney's Tangled.

I apologise to any of you who have had the misfortune to read as far down as here in this blog :) because its not very uplifting reading and it almost feels like a failure to me to be typing this - because there is so much more to life. I do realise that, but every so often we do need some perspective on life and a place to vent our anger. A reminder that we are important but also that we are not to be self-centred.

Tomorrow is another day and every day has the potential for beauty.

I only miss you when I'm breathing...

So, those of who read my last blog closely, or infact know me closely, will be aware that I was in a relationship when I last blogged before going on holiday. I'm sad to say that the relationship is no more & has been no more for about 6 weeks now. These past 4 months have been a rollercoaster of emotion for me; because of him. There are very few people I've met in my 25 years who I truly, deeply connect with and some of them I am lucky to still call my friends. I'm grateful for them because sometimes who we are, where we've been & what we have experienced in life make us a little harder to get along with. I am one of those people; I play my cards very close to my chest & keep defensive walls around my emotional core; this is who I am.

I just wanted to put that preface here because although I want to talk about him, who I am also plays a part in the story. We met at work and for a few months were not even on each other's radar, but in the run-up to Christmas of 2012 he sought me out; got my number, began chatting to me & eventually suggested a seasonal shopping trip to Brighton. Our first date! I still think of it as a date because although we got together 5 weeks later, it was the start: I discovered a man who not only liked me, but was like me. Thus I remember that day clearly, clearer even than January 20th, the day I said yes to him. Yet I remember January 20th like it was yesterday-which is odd for me. I remember February 23rd with a great deal more clarity than I would like as well; it was the last day we were together...

A great deal happened between those dates & a great deal has happened since then and now: it has been like riding a rollercoaster, "to experience a period of happiness or the like, followed by a contrasting period of despair, or the like". There have been some constants for which I am grateful, such as the listening ears & comforting words of friends and the all-consuming distraction of work. Yet in the dark, lonely nights when memories resurface, in the exhaustive waits for texts or a kind word from him and now as I am increasingly certain he is lost to me forever, it feels as if "up" is the last place I'm going. Of course I have asked myself "why?"... there have been so many of these that I've stopped thinking on them but sometimes the questions force themselves back in. This is why I've titled this blog as I have-the song seems fitting at the moment...and today has been an especially bad day.


Today was the day I finally began to believe that I need to put him behind me, or at least try to. Perhaps I've made myself believe this since he hasn't actually been around this week. I had high hopes that we would be friends: he said we would be. I believed we would have a chance to discuss things because he assured me that, in time, we would. I was confident that his past meant he wouldn't mess me around...ever. None of these are the case. I'm tired of feeling utterly depressed because of him. We texted each other yesterday, nothing of any significance, but perfectly pleasant and I thought he was going to be up the bar at work last night from that conversation. He never showed up, ignored my texts during the evening and then for his piéce de resistance deleted me off of Facebook...when I asked for a reason, he fobbed me off. I recovered myself by staying in bed until 3pm & eating junk food. Great. All the good I was working on while we were together-the good stuff for me-being on a diet and going to the gym has totally gone out of the window. 

Remembering the good times does help. If it were the case that we didn't work together day in, day out I might even have been able to focus on these at the exclusion of everything else. The problem I have when it comes to him is that everytime I see him and he's not smiling, I want to be the thing that changes that. Like I used to be. I catch myself sounding like a woman whose husband of 40 years has just passed away, but we were close because we are so similar & our differences complimented each other. I let him in like no other person ever in my entire life and now I'm paying the price for diving in head first. Yet shouldn't we?? If we meet someone who we believe we have a connection with, shouldn't we seize the opportunity of happiness and the potential for someone to do life with? The answer of course, is of course. As Doctor Seuss says, and we should probably take notice since he is making sense for once; "Don't cry because its over: smile because it happened".

There is so much I miss-about him, about us though. Our lives-together and apart-are forever altered because of our relationship-our past. I struggle daily with balancing my compassion for him and my need to care for myself; to ensure I keep up my own self-esteem and -respect. Still when I think of my right to be happy-and I laugh at myself as I type this-I come full circle and my mind returns to him. It returns to him and to the realisation that dawned on me the first time he held my hand as we walked side-by-side: happiness before him was nothing compared to happiness with him. Thus I suppose I need to begin redefining my take on the word happiness... *It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live* and when the aftermath of my break-up with him starts to have an effect on my work as well, then that is not right or fair-on me or anyone else. 

...even when the memories pinch your heart...the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.

Alysha Speer

Right now, I've found posting all of these thoughts strangely cathartic for me. There is the need to go on, because no matter how much one person makes our world or is our world-at the end of the day they are not our entire world. Many people cared for me before he was on the scene and continue to do so. The shame of the matter is really for him...when I come to think of it. If he wants to push people away and alienate them then his life really will be a self-fulfilling prophesy and that is a shame. Until then, I gave him an ultimatum of sorts today; namely that we have to talk soon. He owes me that much and I happen to think it will be good for both of us because I still have no idea of why he chose to end it when he did. I know that I'm a pretty fierce friend, I make attatchments quickly and if I open up to you then I think you're worthy of my trust and so it is his loss if he shuns what I've been offering for the last 2 months: my care for him. Partly it is because of just how profound this experience has been for me, that I wanted to record it. By making it a chapter in my life, I can bring it to a close-hopefully that will be soon. I'll keep you posted.

By the way, italics are used instead of his name; I'm not publishing any personal details that don't belong to me, that would be unfair and improper. 

This is simply my account of this time of my life.

A tale of 3 cities & 3 friends

This is indeed a tale of three cities; Naples, Rome & the Vatican City and of three friends; me, Tom & Sarah. It's a tale of bad luck, good luck, bad weather, good weather, international flights, intercity trains, fit vicars, new popes, rude waiters, friendly waitresses and a vast array of ancient monuments.
Welcome to The Three Muskateers Do Italy: March 2013. Enjoy!

I loved Italy. I loved this trip that we went on this month and I've loved my previous visits. I love a country where you can take different holidays, where there is a new experience if you visit a new area. Not like in England where you travel 400 miles North from home on holiday & still find the same branches of Shoe Zone & Poundland... I remember going to Sicily when I was little & going to the top of Mount Etna: climbing to the top of an active volcano is an experience for sure. I remember going skiing in Madonna di Campiglio in the far North of the country & a wonderful time with a great group of friends. Now I have a third Italian memory of the Southern cities; in fact I did suggest that we return to Italy for our next holiday and cover the Northern cities...Pisa, Florence, Verona, Venice, Bologna...*dreams*

So you now know I like Italy, so what was great specifically about this trip? Sometimes what makes something good is not that nothing bad happened the whole time, or everything was optimum but that maybe things did go wrong. Yet, you still carried on. Maybe it's when you can remember the small things that made you laugh as well as the big memories that make you smile. For me, its all of those things and a reminder of the power of friendship. True friends when reconvening after hours or years are able to pick up where they left off as if no time has passed.

Unfortunately, Sarah was ill for a week prior to our trip & when Tom and I set off for her house on Friday, she was still in hospital. When we flew out to Naples on Saturday morning, she was still in hospital & when we took the train North to Rome on Monday, she still wasn't with us. Needless to say it was not the same without Sarah and we missed her. Our good luck was that come Monday night, Tom & I were waiting at Fuimicino Airport for a very special arrival!! Yes Sarah joined usand our holiday really began now that the Muskateers were complete! Thus our bad luck became good!

 

 As any good British holiday maker does, I had studiously consulted worldweatheronline.com on several occasions before we left. Thus I knew that the forecast for Rome was warm(er than the UK) but decidedly wet and I packed accordingly. Good job too as we had 2 very wet, windy (ie British) days in Rome as we attempted to soak up the cultural heritage of the city. This was in great contrast to our weekend in Naples where in temperatures of nearly 20C and high altitudes we were lucky to escape with minor sunburn as we explored the ruins of Pompeii. Indeed we did have 2 extremes of weather over our week in Italy!

 As we traversed our three cities we got very good use of the public transportation system! We flew out to Naples on Sat 2nd March & took a taxi to the hotel, as well as a City Tour Bus and public buses in the city. We took a local train to Pompeii on the Sunday and on Monday it was a minibus followed by a local train & then an intercity train up to Rome. We traversed Rome mainly underground and took a shuttle bus back to the Airport on the Saturday. This wasn't the first time we'd been to that airport though as we'd picked Sarah up-taking the Leonardo Express high speed service.

Tom waiting for the train to Rome

The three of us squished on the Metro

 Our weekend in Naples was seriously blighted by the serious bad luck of arriving during the 33 day long strike being posed by the staff at the Left Luggage Office. So I'd like to thank them for their impeccable scheduling which deprived us of a visit to San Lorenzo Maggiore Church (site of an excavated Roman Market) and the National Archaeology Museum of Naples.

From the friendly waitress who bumped into us at Leopardi Station & gave us a lift back to our hotel in Torre del Greco, to the rude Italian / Indian waiter I came to blows with over half a chicken, to the fact that the Pope abdicated 2 days before we arrived: the people of Italy certainly made our visit memorable! Standing in view of the Sistine Chapel but not being able to enter; instead observing the glory of Michaelangelo's masterpieces from a book was not what we'd planned. Yet very few people were able to buy the special "sede verdante" stamp set when they visited the Vatican...

  As for the ancient monuments, I have to give special mention to the Trevi Fountain which Tom & I visited on our first evening in Rome. 

It is stunning in an understated, eternal, magnificent way. The atmosphere & surroundings make it one of the most wonderful, peacefully chaotic places I've ever visited.

  Then there was the Colosseum-something I've seen in pictures, films, adverts etc-but never believed I'd ever stand before or inside of... I would love to be there when its empty, to listen to the wind whistle through the ancient brick arches and allow my mind to wander back 2000 years to  gladiatorial battles & screaming crowds of 50,000+.


As for Pompeii: I was moved as I walked the ancient streets and regarded the plaster cast corpses of a city that is both dead and alive, buried and yet unearthed, inert and yet compelling. It was totally worth the visit; the city is so extensive and some of the ruins-the theatres especially-are remarkably well preserved. There truly is no other place like it and to visit it on such a beautiful day was almost paradoxically sad in some ways. I'm glad its a UNESCO World Heritage Site (its no wonder Italy has the most in the world) as it certainly does "bear a unique or exceptional testimony to a cultural tradition or to a civilization which is living or which has disappeared".

As well as the ancient monuments, we visited some of the other famously touristy places in Italy; the most famous of which is the one that isn't even in Italy...the Vatican! Of course the Vatican was without a leader and we couldn't see the Sistine Chapel, buutt we did get an extensive tour of the Vatican Museums and then visited St Peter's Bascillica. We also took the unique opportunity of writing & posting some postcards from the Vatican Post Office!! I have to say, they arrived in like 5 days and cost less than the normal stamps we bought in Rome-none of which have yet arrived!

 
The museums are beautiful troves of statues, mosaics, pottery, tapestries and frescoes by famous artists such as Raphael & Michaelangelo. Room upon room of floor to ceiling stuning artwork - the Vatican really is a worthy residence for a Head of State.



So, I think I've covered a fair amount of detail of our lovely little adventure in Italy. Our story of 3 cities and 3 friends is a great memory of great times with great people. We weren't quite sure how it was going to turn out at times and we faced some difficulties but ultimately we had a great holiday and-come rain or shine-so long as we have each other, things will always be...just great!

A period of seven successive days

Otherwise referred to as a week.

Yes, that's right! A week is all we have until we jet off to foreign shores!

Who? What? Where?

Well the who is crucial: my dear pals Sarah & Tom and of course, me!
What? We're off on a week long holiday, divided between 2 cities :)
Where? Bella Italia (not the restaurant - the beautiful country!)
So yep, a week until Italy. I'm in a state of mildly catatonic panic over what to pack.

*pause for 2 minutes as I consult worldweatheronline.com's 14 day forecast*

So it looks like the weather will be acceptable in Naples with a sunny & actually quite warm day when we're at Pompeii. The forecast for Rome however can be summarised by that four-lettered little word that the average Brit sees much too much of...yes, you guessed, its meant tto rain for the whole week :-O
I'm currently thinking layers are the answer & a backpack to take out each day to cover all the possibilities: hot, cold, windy, raining, snow, overcast... The average daytime temperature for Rome whilst we're there is actually around 14C, so not bad! Maybe I'll pack my waterproof as well...

Aside from all that; the itinerary is planned, the tour of the Vatican booked, the train tickets are booked for the Naples>Rome journey, I found my passport after a wee panic (honestly, what kind of person puts their passport away in their scrapbook!!), my monopoly money is all ready & its just the finer details to perfect (ie what to pack!)

Basically it will be a lot of fun! We went to Croatia - specifically Dubrovnik - in Sept 2010 and it was like the best ever friends holiday! Such a beautiful place, with great experiences:
The day trip to Bosnia
The rainstorm
Following random walking tours in my guidebook
The museums, the food, the daily ice creams, the boat trip, the swimming...

So basically I love holidays, I can't wait for this one and its the first big trip of 2013!!
Also I get home on the 9th March and start work for the year on the 11th, so nice to coming from a place of rest for that. Needless to say I will be keeping an eagle eye on worldweatheronline.com over the next few days to see if the pesky forecast changes.

Ciao!

Reflections on the past 13 months (just to be different!)

Hi all!

I've decided that I'm at a good time for reflecting on the past year. Since it is now actually February, it will actually be a reflection on the last 13 months; fitting for 2013!

Yet, how do you sum up a year; in terms of events, people, places, personal development, experiences or all of these? Reading back over my blog posts from the last year I am reminded of both highs & lows, ups & downs and all that comes inbetween. So let's talk about the good things first:

1. Whitby!

Seriously, my blog from that week away (pretty much exactly a year ago as of right now) was, in my humble opinion, one of my best. The reason that the blog was so good was that the week was so good in so many ways & the fact that I have great pictures, that conjure up great memories a year on is just fab! Holidays are such a great breath of fresh air (literally & metaphorically) & much needed chicken soup for the soul that they're often the highlights of my year.
Whitby especially was a time of relaxation; basking in the beauty of nature, spending quality time with good people, getting a lot of fresh air, browsing the shops & discovering the history of such an historic & renound town.

2. Disneyland Paris

When we booked our 4 day break to Disneyland Paris, I didn't know just how stressed, frazzled & downright incapable of functioning I would be with work, by the time we came to depart. I was close to emotional meltdown: snappy & useles, so a holiday was just what I needed.
Disney never fails to make me smile anyway: the weather was clear & bright, all the staff we met were pleasant & helpful & the parks just met all of our needs: emotionally, mentally, spiritually & physically. I returned after a mini break spent smiling, dancing, marvelling at fireworks, seeing beloved characters, being transported to faraway lands & riding my favourite rides.
The thrill of watching Dreams in front of the castle, riding Splash Mountain & Pirates of the Caribbean, watching the 20th Anniversary Celebration Train, pin trading with lots of different people & having a wonderful get-away-from-it-all change of scenery. No to mention stocking up on my favourite sweets (nom nom nom!)

3. Llandudno

The thought of going to the Royal British Legion Women's Section Annual Conference with my Mum, didn't really fill my heart with joy, that's without the 8hr drive there & back. However, the prospect of going to Wales: a place where, prior to this trip, I had never set foot, was too much to resist. I didn't actually blog about the trip I believe, which is a mistake on my part. I'll summarise here: we had 2 days at the Conference & 2 free days. So we were able to really spend some time appreciating the sights of the town & the bracing Irish Sea weather.
The total highlight of the visit for me was taking the trip to Llanberis to ride the Mountain Railway to the Summit of Snowdon & then being able to stand there at the top of the highest mountain in Wales & just look & look & look. We also found what is now my favourite restaurant in the entirity of Great Britain: Mamma Rosa which is near the seafront. No word of a lie, I would go back to Llandudno (yes all 330 miles) just to eat there again. Because we couldn't keep away, I ended up very poor, but the food was sooooo worth it. Yum :-)

So those were my holidays! I'm very pleased to say that I'm starting 2013 the way I hope to go on by heading to Italy at the beginning of nex tmonth. Eat, Pray, Love has a lot to answer for where my opinion of Rome is concerned!

Then there's Keswick! When you mention Keswick to me at the moment, I get rather sad: I'm not going this year :""(and so I can't really say much about it now. Suffice to say Keswick Town, the Keswick Convention & Keswick for Kids holds a very special place in my heart & I'll miss every minute that I'm not there this summer. The spiritual refreshment, the awe-inspiring scenery, the company of wonderful friends, the priviledge of teaching children about God & all the special moments in between!

So you can see there have been highlights amongst the day-to-day drudge of working 9-5! Of course 2012 was also special for another reason: (or 2 reasons if we're to precise) the eyes of the world were on us, the UK. The Queen's Golden Jubilee & the summer games of the 20th Olympiad meant the UK & London especially was on the map in 2012!
I didn't blog about the Olympics either(!) but I should've (tsk tsk). Basically I applied for tickets & applied to be a Games Maker because I wanted to say that I had been there & been a part of it. I got an interview to be a Games Maker: to be able to say I would've been one if I hadn't been at work, is enough for me. Then to able to go to the Olympic Park, to the Olympic Stadium and watch the likes of Usain Bolt compete, is a great memory that I'll always be able to carry with me
2012 was a fantastic, moving, proud year to be British & I'm so glad to be able to say I was a part of it!

Aside from those real gems of places & experiences, there have also been people. There are my closest friends; the ones who have always and, I hope, will always be there through everything. You know what they say: everlasting friends can go long periods of time without speaking or seeing each other & never question that friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live & they don't hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and love is there. I am always thankful for them & their support.
Recently someone else came in to my workplace & later on, my life. Currently we've been together for just over 3 weeks & we've just come back from a weekend away together in Dorset. I won't say much more here, but needless to say, in terms of relationships, I'm happy.
Long may it continue :-)

So, what did I hope for last year? What were my life aims & goals? Where did I want to be at this point, last year?

• I want to still have my job
• I want enough work and enough free time to be/feel free and happy
• I want to enjoy my youth
• I want to see new things and meet new faces
• I want to be the best I can be at all that I do

Well, I pretty much still have my job, although I'm not quite working at the mo. I'm still struggling with the work/life balance but this is due to insane job - the small fact that I love my job, means this is a vicious circle! I do feel as if I'm living, perhapsnot 100% to the full, but I'm appreciating my youth. I have seen new things & I have met new faces: tick! As for being the best I can...well I continue to try my best, to be the best I can be; it doesn't always work, but I'm trying and I will continue to with all that I have :-)

• I want to be able to commit to a church family
• I want to sort out my charity giving into regular and organised payments
• We need to sort out all of our stuff and generally be organised & have routines and motivation to do all sorts of things that I'd like to; go to the gym, not hoard stuff, be tidy to all hopefully contribute to a carefree life

 In these areas, perhaps I'm not doing as well as I could be. Church is not happening. Charity giving is optimal: I adopted a child through Compassion last year: 17 year old Karen from Bolivia, I enjoy being able to exchange letters with her & be a partof such an important ministry. As for my life & its personal admin: I am going to the gym, infact I'm a member of the gym with a membership card and a snazzy waterbottle! I had a really good sort out recently which helps me to achieve some semblance of order in my life. Hopefully this means that I am helping myself to be carefree.

This year I want to be more proactive in achieving my goals. My New Year's Resolutions this year was to be more disciplined and now that I'm a month in to the New Year, I can reflect on it.
So losing weight & being better with food was top on my list. So far I'm achieving mediocre success at cutting out inbetween meals snacking & I'm attending the gym dutifully.
Spiritual disciplines are not so great; Bible reading, prayer, Church - but believe me they're still right at the top of my list of priorities where they belong.
Getting up early/on time, being tidy, doing things the first time they are requested etc again is another goal of mine in the domain of discipline. I'll be playing the long game on this one!

Of course having a boyfriend means more joys & challenges in many areas including discipline - nevertheless, life is more fun when someone walks beside you. I'm looking forward to the journey this year.

So have a happy 2013 everybody; may you be able to look back on it with acceptance, joy & enlightenment. My hopes for this year are that I would be joyful, faithful & content.

⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12

² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4

So that's enough waffle from me! I like to take time each year to reflect upon and reaffirm my life, sharing it with the world is just my way of being open & allowing myself to confront the good & the bad in my life. Here's to the next 11 months...

2.2 pounds of jam weigh about a kilogram!

I've been really lax at blogging and life in general over the last little while, especially since I'm on a break from working at the mo!
So I decided to take my life in hand & start eating healthily & I joined the gym!

I started off by going to a "Legs, Bums & Tums" class with some of the girls from work once a week. Then I wanted to go more often & continue witht the class, so now all 3 of us are members. Currently, its LBT on Tuesdays & I'm thinking gym on Fridays; but that will need a rethink once I'm back at work as Friday is like, our busiest day!

So the good news is that I'm weighing myself & the results of my first weigh in are that I've lost half a kilo or 1 pound...ish. So I'm happy with that as a very good starting point for this new way of life.
I'm just now in the last couple of days, beginning to get food cravings, but now I've been to the gym, on the machines and seen just how much work you have to do to burn one measly calorie! That was a shocker, but I'm pleased that my kiloage went down & not up!

Out have gone most of the cakes, sweets, biscuits etc & I'm on a lighter diet. I actually enjoyed my veggies tonight!

:-D

So as I said, I'm on a break from work at the moment, so I've got a whole different pace of life going right now. I spent 3 days visiting Southampton & the wonder that is Miss Ruthie Gill. It was a really lovely time together; mostly spent shopping & chatting, watching DVDs & eating Percy Pigs!

Very soon I'm off to see Sarah & Tom, which is not only very exciting in itself, but extra excitement is certain as we are planning our holidays!!

The holiday is booked: a week in Italy, split between the Home of Pizza: Napoli & the Eternal City: Roma! I'm pretty excited to see the sights of central Italy, as I've been to Sicily & skiing near Turin but never seen any of the bits in the middle!

Maybe I shouldn't be excited about going back to work in March, but I am! I miss the people, the place, the buzz & busyness -not to mention the money :)

At some point in February, Darren & I are also taking a road trip across to Wilts & Dorset to go see his parents for the weekend. He is astonished that I've never really been to Dorset, so he's setting out to restore that great imbalance in the world(!) It should be a lot of fun & a good time!

That's about it for now....  Not sure when I'll be back: watch this space!